SH! Don't Wake The Sanzo!
by Samurai101
Summary: Plagued by hunger, Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai set off to get some food with one important goal in mind besides getting the food: Don't wake the Sanzo!


**A/N:More random Saiyuki humor inspired by my Nee-chan's obsession with Saiyuki. Enjoy or hate as you will and remember to always review.**

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"Meh, I'm starving." 

He's hungry, but all the food is across the room in neat little bags. He is in the bed farthest from the door, where the food is, thus putting his three traveling companions between him and the food. Normally this wouldn't deter him from a midnight snack, but tonight Sanzo is sleeping in the bed by the door and by the food. Sanzo really likes his sleep, and he likes it uninterrupted. People who disturb his sleep usually end up violently spread across the walls and floor or with many holes in rather important organs.

Goku's stomach rumbles so loudly Goku is sure that it must have woken someone up, but no one even stirs. He sits up slowly and eyes the bags of succulent food across the room. He's not sure exactly what Hakkai bought, but it'll be food and that's all that matters to Goku. He wipes drool off his face and weighs his options. He can stay safely in bed all night and be plagued by hunger and insomnia all night, _or_ he can sneak over and eat some food, risking waking up Sanzo and suffering horribly.

Hunger or Sanzo-dealt suffering? Hunger or Sanzo-dealt suffering? Hunger or Sanzo-dealt suffering?

Goku's stomach rumbles again, and the monkey throws off his covers. He eases his feet onto the creaky hotel floor and begins sneaking across the floor. It shall be noted that Goku is not a very good sneaker even with possible suffering dealt by Sanzo hanging over his head. The thought of food crowds everything else out of his little monkey mind.

Goku makes it almost past Gojyo's bed, and then he steps in the stupid kappa's _GIANT_ shoe and trips. Goku flails his arms about wildly and saves himself the very loud and painful fall by flipping onto Gojyo's bed. He lands right in the lecherous kappa's stomach.

"Hughump!" Goku claps his hands over Gojyo's mouth to keep the kappa from being loud.

"Shh! Don't wake the Sanzo," Goku whispers as loudly as he dares. Gojyo's eyebrows rise up into his hairline, but he knows the importance of not waking up Sanzo.

"What're you doing up?" The kappa asks the monkey.

"I'm hungry," Goku says and that explains it all. Both of them know about the bags of succulent food.

"Say, so am I. I'll come with you," Gojyo decides. He pushes the monkey off his stomach and the two carefully ease their feet back onto the floor. A board creaks.

"Shh! Don't wake the Sanzo," They whisper in tandem. Goku giggles and Gojyo whaps him soundly on the back of his head. Goku glares, but he can't start a fight while they are sneaking.

Goku and Gojyo sneak very un-sneakily past Gojyo's bed and then they arrive at Hakkai's bed. Hakkai's sleeping soundly and snoring. Goku giggles because Hakkai snores funny. Gojyo whaps the monkey on the head again, but this time the monkey steps very loudly to the side to miss the whap.

He steps on Hakuryuu.

Hakuryuu shoots up off the floor and into the room somewhere with a 'cheep' of pain. Goku jumps back, bumping into Gojyo, and they both fall onto Hakkai's bed. Hakkai, still sleeping, slams their heads down into the mattress, ready to blow their brains out with a quick chi blast. Goku squeaks. Gojyo swears. Hakkai blinks. Sanzo rolls over.

Everyone freezes for a few seconds. Sanzo doesn't move again, and motion starts back up.

"Oh, Gojyo, Goku," Hakkai smiles blearily and looks around the dark room. "What are you two doing up?"

"Sh! Don't wake the Sanzo!" Gojyo and Goku whisper. Hakkai blinks and nods. He too understands the importance of not waking up Sanzo.

"I'm hungry," Goku explains.

"Me too," Gojyo adds.

"Ah, I'll come with you," Hakkai decides as he releases their heads from his dangerous grip. Goku's diadem saved him from the strangely shaped bruise, but, alas, Gojyo will have a spectacular purple one across his forehead come morning.

The three gently ease their feet onto the wooden floor and stand up. Sneaking with three people is hard, but Hakkai is actually a very good sneaker. They sneak almost sneakily towards the food. Goku's head is filled with visions of meat buns and other good things. Could Hakkai have bought meat buns? The thought is almost too wonderful.

"Sh! Don't wake the Sanzo," They all whisper to each other as they sneak past Sanzo's bed and kneel down very carefully next to the bags of food. Gojyo lights his lighter, and the three peer into the depths of the bags. The bag crackles.

"Sh! Don't wake the Sanzo!" They all hiss at each other. Goku and Gojyo smother laughs while Hakkai smiles wider. The three each reach into a bag and pull out their prizes.

"Ah, my pomegranate," Hakkai whispers in delight.

"Yes! A cucumber," Gojyo says.

"Yahoo! A meat bun!" Goku cheers.

Hakkai and Gojyo almost shout at the monkey: "SH! Don't wake the Sanzo!"

The lights flip on. Everyone freezes. "You morons! 'Don't wake the Sanzo?' I've been up since that retarded monkey started fighting with his sheets! What do you mean '_**SH! DON'T WAKE THE SANZO!**__'_?" Sanzo's voice is truly terrible to hear when he has been awakened by idiots.

Sanzo levels his gun at them and kicks open the door. "Out!"

Everyone scrambles to explain: "But Sanzo I'm-"

"Honestly we didn't mean to-"

"Have some heart baldy-"

The veins in Sanzo's fists and on his forehead pop out. His eyes say: 'Death to all idiots.'

"GET OUT!" Gojyo flies out the door with a new bruise on his posterior.

"AND LET ME GET A DECENT NIGHT'S SLEEP!" Hakkai flies out the door and lands on Gojyo.

"YOU LOT OF INBRED, _MORONIC_, **_BRAIN-DEAD_** _**GLUTTONS**_!" Goku flies out the door and straight through the next wall. The door slams shut into Hakkai's head and there is moderate silence as Sanzo stomps back to his bed. No one dares even breath loudly lest death come down on them in a shower of lead. Finally Goku can stand it no longer.

"Hakkai," Goku intones softly from his hole in the wall. "I'm starving."


End file.
